it's been years since my last post. i titled my blog as 'aventuras en guadalajara' thinking that my life would be an adventure just to go get groceries. i was a so bright-eyed and excited about being in mexico. aside from the look of disdain most of us would eventually get from american doctors, i remember being excited about the chance to live my 20's in another country.

i think i'm different person now. or maybe i've always been this person except that i've repressed it for so long. there are so many things i want to write but tonight's post will be about the most recent events: failing my board exam and andrew transferring to another school. andrew and i went through a lot of ups and downs with this decision. i secretly wanted him to choose me over the school. but the reality is that we both need to be doing what's best for ourselves. we know we want to marry but we still need to do what is best to help us reach our goals to become physicians. but i miss him more than i thought i would. i would've never guessed this is where i would be now. i've always known andrew to be a good guy, but i've grown to love him more and more as we get along in our relationship. it's so nice to be loved unconditionally by him. he's seen me in my lows during our 2nd year in school.

as far as the board exam is concerned. i'm upset. i hate saying this but i know my knowledge can run circles around some of the people who have passed (albeit it was there 4th try). i think it was time for me to take a big bite out of a slice of humble pie. my dentist in mexico is a UCSF grad and a christian. she shared her struggles through dental school with me and her spiritual journey through that. i know god knew how this would play out and had friends and family in place for me. and i think he wants me to depend on him.

as far as my emotional state. it was stable for a while but i've been having pretty intense ebbs and flows of debilitating anxiety. it makes me feel scared to even just get out of bed. i had a strange feeling overcome me few weeks ago when i wanted to hurt myself. it was kind of surreal, but it passed. i like being alone but i also don't know if i should be. but being with lots of people is fun but it completely drains me. let's see what tomorrow brings.

moved to:

www.xanga.com/yoonchris

tried about a dozens times, but can't load pics on this site.

back in houston

came back to houston to see my dad for father's day. it's been nice to get my fill of double spicy chicken and fried rice, but i kinda miss guadalajara. i was getting used to the heat + no a/c. actually, the weather was cooling down a little when i left.

my spanish? i would call it caveman spanish: some nouns, a few verbs only in the present tense, and lots of hand motions. i might as well grunt and scratch my head. up until last week, i was convinced that 'temprano' was the word for 'weather'. i have no explanation for this. no wonder the cab drivers would look at me funny when i said, "el temprano es bueno." first of all, i made no sense...."the early is good?" secondly, that was a lie...the weather was terrible. i was just trying to make conversation. the nice ones would just nod, smile, and say, "si."

mi dia favorita en guadalajara: centro historico, farmers market, y mercado san juan de dios

i went to a huge farmers market today. it was great. i went with a friend i met here. she's just finishing her 1st year here. we started off by going to the korean bakery stand where we bought custard filled pastries. it was about 8:30am, so we went to go get breakfast at the korean food stand. i got chap che de pollo. we shared a drink called jamaica. it's made by boiling rose hip in water, cooling it, and then adding sugar. after breakfast, she showed me the stands where she gets her eggs, cheeses, meats, fruits & veggies, etc.

afterwards, we went to centro historico and got to take in a lot of historic sites. some of my favorites are el teatro degollado, la catedral de guadalajara, and palacio de gobierno. we only had time for a quick run through all the historic sites. i hope i can go back later. we continued walking through these buildings until we got to mercado san juan de dios. it's three stories of craziness. i got a large cup of fresh squeezed mango and strawberry juice. this market has everything: jerseys, puma gear, car sound systems, pirated dvds, etc.

once we got out of mercado san juan de dios, we bought two liters of fresh ice cream. she took me to meet some of her friends (outside of school) at an indoor picnic. it was great meeting people. i met two american couples who have lived here for 30-40 years. there was also sergio, the tattoo artist...his friend, garrett who is in puerto vallarta making a tourism video...angela, who is making a documentary on teens here...

it was nice to talk to her about christianity on our bus ride. she definitely believes in god. we got to talk about personal decisions and how you can't be humanly convinced to believe something. today has probably been the highlight of my time here so far.

here's a link to some pics from today:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8878020@N08/

dinero para la comida

i was sitting at Starbucks trying to cool off with a frappucino. a group of five kids walked in and starting going around and asking for money. all five eventually came up to me, one by one, to ask for money. there was absolutely no timidity in asking. it was more of a raw desperation. their mom eventually came by, and they all walked away.

i've never made it a habit to give money to people who beg for it. i've always given food, drinks, clothes, or blankets. i don't want to give money because it's just a short-term fix, but i don't know if i've ever done anything to bring any long-term relief.

what i would've done in the States is bought them lunch. what did i think today? "what if they come back EVERY afternoon and expect a meal from me?" okay...then i buy them lunch tomorrow, the next day, the day after next.... "what if they bring more friends?" "wait, what am i here for? this could've been an opportunity to build rapport with these kids and their mother. they might not have cared, but i could've shared christ with them."

i think i just fell prey to the customs and manners of polite society. geez.

My first week in Guadalajara

There are two nice areas in Guadalajara: Providencia and Zapopan. Zapopan is a really nice suburban area. Providencia is somewhere in between city-living and suburbia. It's mostly filled with apartment homes, duplexes, and condos. I can walk down the street to go to the grocery store (Super Gigante) or grab a cup of coffee at the Starbucks (yes, they're everywhere).

One thing I've noticed is the class distinction. For the most part, dark-skinned Mexicans are street vendors, can drivers, or maids while fair-skinned Mexicans have professional jobs or don't work at all. Most of the Mexicans here seem pretty complacent with this heirarchy. Actually, the fair-skinned Mexicans seem complacent while dark-skinned Mexicans seem to have a fatalistic view of their situation. Of course, I've gathered all this without having spoken to anyone, but I don't think my conclusions are too far off.

I've had some bloopers here. I was trying to run away from a vicious wasp in my apartment. I tripped, slid across the floor, and crashed into a closet. I'm glad I was the only one in the aparment. I also had to call someone to help me translate some of the words from the directions on a Jello box. I also said yes to whatever the employee at Starbucks was asking me. The fruits of my foolishness? A frappucino with an extra shot of espresso. Yuck.

Right now, I'm sitting in Starbucks with a correctly-ordered frappucino de cafe. I'm on cloud 9. I'll take what I can get with liguistic victories.

I hope to attend a church this upcoming Sunday. I'm nervous. It's been a while since I've walked into a church and I didn't know a single person. Couple that with a service that's only in Spanish (I'll probably understand about 0.5%).